Eutherians

Let me tell you a story about a wonderful shrew. It was there when the asteroid impacted and the dinosaurs died. It was there when the fish climbed out of the water and the apes climbed out of the trees. It was there when the last skyscraper fell.

This shrew is all that remains of our once immense culture. It remembers when artificial lights glittered across the earth. It remembers the brilliant flashes of the nuclear warheads exploding simultaneously around the world.

It remembers the spaceships blasting off, carrying the fortunate few off this poisonous planet. It remembers the silence left in their wake. This little shrew, this heroic denizen of the twenty-first-century apocalypse is our last hope, our only savior, our one and true god.

All hail the shrew, you powerful placental and merciful mammal. We entrust our sacred DNA within thee, in thy holy corpuscle, and pray that thou wilt carry our precious genetic strands into the future. Cause, by the way, the spaceships exploded, so it's on you, oh shrew, that we put our trust. Be careful out there. You're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.